Our New Year’s Revolution!

I mean resolutions!

Let’s take a look at some of our very own EMP-er’s resolutions, shall we!

Steven Krigel

My resolution is nothing. I wouldn’t change a fucking thing.

Maggie Villegas

I resolve to start smoking so I can quit again. Wayta go MAGGIE! I’m at a pack a day!

Anton Altman

Достать чернил и плакать! Писать о феврале навзрыд, Пока грохочущая слякоть Весною черною горит. Достать пролетку. За шесть гривен, Чрез благовест, чрез клик колес,Перенестись туда, где ливень Еще шумней чернил и слез.Где, как обугленные груши, Сдеревьев тысячи грачей Сорвутся в лужи и обрушат Сухую грусть на дно очей. Под ней проталины чернеют, И ветер криками изрыт, И чем случайней, тем вер.

Thomas Bonner

OK. My resolutions. They’re not too demented, but, here ya go…

Go to graduate school so that I can continue to dodge the possibility of getting a real job doing something I hate.
Oh, yea, get a real job in my field. I’m not really sure what that would be. Something with a lot of vacation time would be ideal.
Move to the same city that my girlfriend lives in, and then not destroy our relationship through insecurity and uncontrolable neurosese.
Stop smoking because I’m pretty sure those weird “panic attacks” where my heart rate goes a million miles an hour for no reason are some how connected to my nicotine addiction.Get totally fuckin ripped.
Learn Spanish. I mean, we should all probably do that.

Ken Jordan

I resolve to stop making New Year’s resolutions that are unrealistic
and inachievable.  Also, I resolve to have a biopic on the life of David Allan Coe starring Danny McBride as Coe in the can by December 31, 2011.

Katy Dubina

Ugh. I don’t really ‘do’ resolutions. why start now?
I guess I would like to be more creative with meat.

Brad Leroy Cartwright

Shall not knowingly stay or be within 500 feet of nursing homes, retirement communities and/or all aquatic aerobic classes.

Nolan Cartwright

Never make promises

Rachel Inez Lane

Mine? To smoke more . A whole lot more. Oh, and to get a G-D book contract. And to get my fish back from my ex! God speed, Big Business. God Speed.

Carly J Bales


-Miss Rachel Inez Lane